A letter from the past...
And so another blast from the past I found from memoirs... I never saw who this was addressed to, but I think those who know me dearly would know. This is just so heartbreaking that I wanted to share and perhaps people can relate to what this person is going through~
Just when my life was getting better...
Why the hell do you have to contact me when things are finally turning up? You know what, while we were talking earlier I realized a very hard truth... I was trying so damn hard to be someone whom you would deserve. I was trying so hard to live up to what you might want in someone. But then, no matter how hard or how much I try, I'm just never going to be good enough for you. I'm right am I not? I will never be someone you will learn to accept and eventually love. Then it hit me so hard... And you're not even a person deserving of the effort I am putting in. You're not worth the hardships I am subjecting myself to. Then I realize, I was so stupid and I wasted so much time and energy for that.
Then, just like that, I lost all interest with you. Well, I can't drop you off and forget about you forever as I would do someone whom I talked to in a bar and will never meet again. That is because you were more than just a fine prospect for my emotions. You were a good friend. And I want to keep true to the few friends I have left. And sadly, (though I would like to stress that I am not disappointed, just, how do you say this nicely...uh... apathetic? oh well, I still care for you that's what counts) I just can't find it in myself to be as sweet and caring as I had been before. I just don't see the point.
Now the big question is, am I really just, well, disillusioned or am I bitter due to the fact that I can never have you as my own? It's more likely the former, because, I guess if I was bitter, I would have been trashing on you with my friends, co-workers and my mom. (Sorry, I tend to blab when I'm angry) So there, I'm not embittered, because all I tell them is that I am starting to get over you. (Well there was nothing there to get over with in the first place, the feeling was never mutual and there never were moments shared and all that...)
Don't get me wrong, I will always care for you and will always be here for you, but I guess you can't expect me to be as loving as I was before because, well, the love is gone. Too harsh, I still love you, but not in the romantic sence anymore that is. Come to think of it, this case is not an isolated one as I seemed to have lost interest with my "friends" (note the quotation marks? Well they seem to be my friends when it comes to their dire needs but they seem to lose interest when I'm the one needing their help. Something like that.) all of a sudden. I guess, the universal reason behind this would be... I just grew up. Yes, you heard right. I grew up. I just outgrew the stupid inane concerns of life that most people around my age are caught up with. I just don't find them interesting anymore. I find their concerns silly, trivial and down right lame. I mean, grow up, learn to accept things the way they are and start focusing on stuff that really matter like taking responsibility for your actions and stuff. And knock it off with all the drama. Life is not like the movies, it never is, start realizing this.
**Sigh**
Oh well, that's just the way things are, and I guess, you will always be there just when I am almost over you (sorry but this is the correct way of stating this and I am not quoting the song FYI) You're my friend, and that's what friends do. We stick together through thick or thin. No matter how annoying one might get. (Not that I find you annoying, you're still adorable to me)
Enough blabber, I need to get back to work now. Cheers~
March 10, 2007
Just when my life was getting better...
Why the hell do you have to contact me when things are finally turning up? You know what, while we were talking earlier I realized a very hard truth... I was trying so damn hard to be someone whom you would deserve. I was trying so hard to live up to what you might want in someone. But then, no matter how hard or how much I try, I'm just never going to be good enough for you. I'm right am I not? I will never be someone you will learn to accept and eventually love. Then it hit me so hard... And you're not even a person deserving of the effort I am putting in. You're not worth the hardships I am subjecting myself to. Then I realize, I was so stupid and I wasted so much time and energy for that.
Then, just like that, I lost all interest with you. Well, I can't drop you off and forget about you forever as I would do someone whom I talked to in a bar and will never meet again. That is because you were more than just a fine prospect for my emotions. You were a good friend. And I want to keep true to the few friends I have left. And sadly, (though I would like to stress that I am not disappointed, just, how do you say this nicely...uh... apathetic? oh well, I still care for you that's what counts) I just can't find it in myself to be as sweet and caring as I had been before. I just don't see the point.
Now the big question is, am I really just, well, disillusioned or am I bitter due to the fact that I can never have you as my own? It's more likely the former, because, I guess if I was bitter, I would have been trashing on you with my friends, co-workers and my mom. (Sorry, I tend to blab when I'm angry) So there, I'm not embittered, because all I tell them is that I am starting to get over you. (Well there was nothing there to get over with in the first place, the feeling was never mutual and there never were moments shared and all that...)
Don't get me wrong, I will always care for you and will always be here for you, but I guess you can't expect me to be as loving as I was before because, well, the love is gone. Too harsh, I still love you, but not in the romantic sence anymore that is. Come to think of it, this case is not an isolated one as I seemed to have lost interest with my "friends" (note the quotation marks? Well they seem to be my friends when it comes to their dire needs but they seem to lose interest when I'm the one needing their help. Something like that.) all of a sudden. I guess, the universal reason behind this would be... I just grew up. Yes, you heard right. I grew up. I just outgrew the stupid inane concerns of life that most people around my age are caught up with. I just don't find them interesting anymore. I find their concerns silly, trivial and down right lame. I mean, grow up, learn to accept things the way they are and start focusing on stuff that really matter like taking responsibility for your actions and stuff. And knock it off with all the drama. Life is not like the movies, it never is, start realizing this.
**Sigh**
Oh well, that's just the way things are, and I guess, you will always be there just when I am almost over you (sorry but this is the correct way of stating this and I am not quoting the song FYI) You're my friend, and that's what friends do. We stick together through thick or thin. No matter how annoying one might get. (Not that I find you annoying, you're still adorable to me)
Enough blabber, I need to get back to work now. Cheers~
March 10, 2007
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